Come on, Luke Perry. Give me a Shorange.

Do cops get frustrated because we’re always driving really slowly in front of them? Am I pathetic for feeling really sorry for MySpace, pay phones and Luke Perry? Why hasn’t someone invented a word that rhymes with orange? I REALLY WANT TO WRITE A POEM ABOUT ORANGES. Would anyone actually read a poem I wrote […]

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I got in a fight on Facebook and realized I’m one of those people who gets in fights on Facebook.

I have an unhealthy relationship with Facebook. Sometimes I think, “Wow. A chick from high school algebra ran a marathon!” And other times, I’m like, “Who are these people?” I don’t mean to brag, but… I have a lot of friends on Facebook. Yep. I’m THAT cool. I happen to have lived in lots of cities, […]

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Nudity: the great equalizer

A man crossed the street in front of my car yesterday. Since I was hiding behind my windshield, I had a rare opportunity to stare at him without the possibility of awkward accidental eye contact. He had what some call a FUPA, or Fat Upper Pussy/Penis Area.  It was as if he had a monster […]

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I’m so sick of talking about being single, but I can’t help it because I’m still single. And I’m okay with it (most of the time)! I swear. Mostly.

I spent Valentine’s Day alone. Yeah, so? It was only because I had plans with Whitney Houston. They suddenly fell through. It is so strange that so many people think staying alone on Valentine’s Day is not cool. I got so many offers from friends who wanted to pull me out of my house and […]

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Virginians are very specific.

LA is big. It’s all spread out, and some people refuse to go from one side to the other. It’s a maze of anonymity. I’m in a cafe right now surrounded by laptops. Clicking and more clicking. Nobody looks up. We’re all the same, but we don’t even notice each other. I did one of […]

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