We’re gonna party like it’s 900.

At one point I said ‘no more temples.’ I admit it. I said it because I think I’ve now seen 40 million and it’s hotter than a boiling cauldron of curry out here. Alas, I decided to hit up one more before leaving the mysterious land of religious monuments. And after a 26-hour train, a […]

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One newborn burrito. Hold the oil.

Nine months will have passed by the time I come home. Some of my gossipy aunts are positive I’ve really been holed up in some Arizona ranch for unwed mothers who want to pop out a bastard anonymously. It’s not true. If I’d have gotten pregnant in LA, I would have had the baby and […]

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Now there’s only cow in the dark.

I, along with several astronomy enthusiasts, made sure to be in the holy city for the eclipse. Paul from England, who grows weed for a living, invited me to his balcony overlooking the Ganges. At 5am Pete from San Diego and I headed to the action. Men were already staining their teeth with paan. Women […]

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All employees must wear hair nets and remove genitalia.

I feel horrible.I previously reported here that I ate the Taj Mahal.I did. It needed salt. But I didn’t report on anything else about the Taj, and I feel remiss. Please note that: + Emperor Shah Jahan built the Taj to honor his third and ‘favorite’ wife, Mumtaz Mahal. +She died during the birth of […]

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Varanasi is a Six Flags for dead people.

It is THE place to die in India since, according to Hindus, dying in or near the Ganges pretty much obliterates all those pesky rounds of reincarnation.If you die in Varanasi, you ride a roller coaster to enlightenment. Somewhere on the outskirts of the city, a man with a booming voice says, “Keep your arms […]

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