This is what I’m thinking when I’m not thinking about really important global issues and solving world poverty

I have been working towards an intense deadline this week, not leaving my cave of an apartment, not changing from my pajamas, and not cleaning the spilled coffee beans and Indian food delivery boxes scattered about my bed. I’ve pillaged my brain for words this week, and thus have none left to compile on this […]

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My head is a quilt.

I saw a woman the other day who was so obviously brimming with positivity that the sun was leaking out of her pores. Beautiful skin, shiny hair, a smile that could make even Mel Gibson love Jews, she was pure radiance. I asked her secret. “I am grateful for everything in my life,” she beamed. […]

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Thanks, Annie and Danny

I’ve been crying a lot lately. Not because I’m pathetic (maybe because I’m pathetic). Not because I’m drinking wine alone (maybe because I’m drinking wine alone). But mainly because I’m a cheeseball and I can’t get enough of this video. You may have seen it already. Watch it again. It’s a real love story, and […]

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Wait. Is today meant for celebrating our jobs or our birth canals?

I ran along Venice beach this evening, a beautiful sunset in the distance. Unfortunately, this photo doesn’t capture the several transvestite hookers I saw. There were also some vagabonds and rowdy frat guys and shocked tourists, the very reason I love Venice so much. One tranny hooker was messed up. Really messed up. I’m talkin’ […]

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Santa Crotch, Conception Confusion & My Cousin Deb: Three FUN stories.

Baby, I swear I’m a virgin. I promise. The scene: 4th grade. Miss Andriola’s classroom. Me wanting so badly to be as popular as the kids who didn’t have to buy IOU sweatshirts from the outlet mall. After several of my classy fourth-grade peers noted that the hat I got for Christmas looked like one […]

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