Funny Human of the Week: The Crowd Farter

Society says you’re really immature if you talk about farts. And comedy says you’re lazy if you talk about farts. I’ve been torn for the last few days because the infamous Crowd Farter has brought to my attention an intense desire to talk about farts. So, let’s all join hands and wear turtlenecks and be […]

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What I learned on my Christmas break:

*Winter is actually great. Since you’re always wearing a coat while out, you never have to change your clothes or even change out of your pajama top. Comfort! And… weird smells. *For my entire life, I’ve had a dyslexic ‘YMCA.’ My ‘C’ has been backwards. I’m shocked. I’ve been living a lie for so many […]

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Survey says… inspiration! Or broccoli.

It’s 2011. Fuck. It’s now time for people to scoff at me and return my checks due to my failure to remember it’s 2011. Not that I write checks that often. Other people do. And those people are usually in front of me at the supermarket. Shit. This post isn’t so positive. One of my […]

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Those hoarders are scary. And mashed potatoes are good.

I guess I took a holiday hiatus. I wasn’t planning on it, but man is it difficult to get anything done when it’s snowy outside and there’s an electric blanket inside. And heat. And TV. I don’t have these things in my apartment. I have done nothing this holiday (besides watch that scary show about […]

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Home is where the drive-thru cigarettes are. Next to the funeral parlor.

It’s that time. The time for boarding planes and bearing the snow in order to make my way home. Home.Home is sometimes in a backpack. Sometimes in my head. Sometimes in California. But always in Addison, Illinois. It’s the place where I learned the beginnings of everything. As a teenager, I couldn’t imagine why anyone […]

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