Happy Friday, Uncle Jesse

Yesterday was St. Patricks Day, my least favorite holiday because I don’t care if you’re Irish and I don’t like when drunk people pee in my bushes. That is not a euphemism. It has happened before. I yelled at this drunk gangbanger for peeing on my apartment door, and his friends just mocked me like […]

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Life!

This blog has been about death for weeks. Come on! Let’s talk about life. Because we’re alive. Life is precious. Life is beautiful. Life is a cereal. Cereal is for breakfast. I love savoring a hot beverage in the morning. The steam wakes me up. Reminds me that I’m alive. Life! Life goes on. Remember […]

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Fuck you, weather

In the grand scheme of time, Mike DeStefano and I merely passed through each other’s lives. Still, this man had a profound effect on my life, my life’s purpose, and everything I want to be. I’m not just saying that because that’s what happens when somebody dies– we make the dead guy seem grander than […]

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I really hope it’s true that when we die we become unicorns because today my friend died.

You know when someone dies and there’s that weird transitional period where you’re not quite comfortable using the past tense to describe that person? That’s where I am right now. Fuck. I don’t want to say he WAS an amazing person. That’s what you say about people who weren’t amazing. But this guy is. Was. […]

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I’m a Chupacabra & You’re a Unicorn

My friend, Madge, is 62. After her dining room table lasted her twenty years, she bought a new one. “It’s so weird to think this could be my last dining room table,” she said. Holy shit! I mean, Holy shit. I’ve heard that we are all going to die. I know people die. I saw […]

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