Let’s get fake wasted!

It has come to my attention that overthrowing the government is quite popular these days, so I was thinking of overthrowing someone just to be trendy. Sadly, I’ve no one to overthrow. I don’t want to waste time on the US government because it would be too difficult to kick out every single congressman and […]

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Funny Human: The Slow Shopper

Bikini waxes and grocery shopping: Two things I feel obligated to do even though thinking of doing them actually hurts me physically. When the time comes to shop or wax, I usually create some kind of obstacle to prolong my arrival. I’ll feel a sudden urge to download a Rob Base song. I’ll decide the […]

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I said lots of stuff in front of lots of people.

The latest Taboo Tales went off with many a hitch. The projector exploded. A storyteller broke her ankle the night before. The mic made weird and very distracting noises. One performer decided not to read the piece she submitted and rambled on for twelve minutes instead. One storyteller called another one an asshole. Another storyteller […]

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Humans are funny. And bored.

Living is supposed to be hard. We are supposed to tend the land all day and hunt and gather and make fire by rubbing sticks together. But now there are drive-thrus. And bagel slicers. And canned corn. And Lunchables. Cows and pigs are cut up and packaged. Lemons and apples are picked by some underpaid […]

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No, I’ve never woken up with a leg in my mouth.

Are markets jealous of supermarkets? Why does forehead size vary so much? Why do some places think I need a lady in the bathroom to hand me a towel? I’ve managed to get my own towels for years. When do ‘grown ups’ become ‘adults’? Remember virginity? How many times have I digested a waiter’s spit? […]

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