It’s okay, Triceratops. I believe in you

I used to think I was so mature for my age. In high school, I felt so much older than all my friends. I knew I was the only one who could be trusted to make really important decisions like choosing which Snapple would taste best with the Absolut Peppar someone stole. When they didn’t […]

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God Reschedules Rapture

All righty! The blog post that started HERE is now in Funny or Die format here: God Reschesules Rapture from humans are funny But, be warned! There was some improvisation going on. I didn’t know he would call the Bible trash. Yah, he calls the Bible trash. So… maybe you shouldn’t watch it if you […]

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Cut! Let’s up the douche factor a notch, guys. Take 5. Action!

I have to admit I’ve never ever really felt very cool. Even when I was considered kinda ‘cool’ in high school, I usually felt like it would be just a minute before someone figured out I wasn’t cool and relegated me to the nerdy table with the mouth breathing band members. The horror! In college, […]

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This post is, like, so international.

I’m in Utila, an island off Honduras in the Caribbean Sea. I’m having a delightfully relaxing time. Swear. Yes, my rental apartment was infested with fleas when I got here, but the fresh mangoes, the bathwater sea, and the strange Spanish spoken here are mesmerizing. I’ve already forgotten everything about the U.S. Something about a […]

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Of course! Yes! Why not?! Absolutely!

My newest sexual fantasy is that I meet a guy at a supermarket by the bananas. We smile to each other. I take him back to my place. He fluffs up my pillows. I relax on the bed. He begins to slowly dip a rag in hot water and wipe it over all my dishes […]

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