I might as well just reference ‘The Martian Chronicles,’ another book I read in junior high that I didn’t understand because I didn’t know it was a book of short stories and therefore couldn’t figure out why the same characters weren’t in every chapter.

Last week I revealed my hopeless case of hopeful romanticism, flanked by the hope that a Spaniard who knows nothing about me would show up at my door in some spontaneous gesture of romance. I now see clearly that there are two slight problems with my pathetic idealism: Number One:  My hope-filled hopeless fantasies always […]

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Help. I’m trapped inside a fairy tale. Somebody kiss me and wake me up.

I hate the term ‘hopeless romantic.’ I understand it implies that there’s no hope left for the hopeless romantic. But it’s a misnomer because the very reason a romantic is deemed hopeless is because he or she possesses too much hope. I know this firsthand. I am a romantic, and therefore full of hope and […]

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Parrotfish for President!

During this trip to Utila, I spent an abnormal amount of time staring at birds. It helped me to realize I don’t want to be a bird. Nope. I always thought I would because flying any time I want and shitting on people and cars seems like a dream. But I have a feeling I […]

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I’m getting crabs in Honduras.

This may be a way for me to say “Ha! Look at this crab. It’s very crabby. I’m off to look for more interesting things, so please excuse my lack of blog entries.” Or, I could possibly be saying, “Warning to all those considering sleeping with me when I get back: I have been having […]

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We’re gonna farty like it’s 1896.

According to the Huffington Post, Maria Gomes Valentim is now the oldest person in the world, born in Brazil in 1896. She says her secret to living 114 YEARS is that she eats a roll of bread every morning. Yes, a roll. I had the great luck of meeting the oldest woman on Utila island […]

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