There are some things I do that epitomize me. I do them as if I’m programmed to do them, without thinking. I can’t stop. But I want to.
And now, what you’ve all been waiting for…
a list of the things I do that I really don’t want to do:
Buy generic face soap from Trader Joe’s and then complain about my acne.
Eat until I can’t move.
Complain about eating until I can’t move.
Joke about becoming like my mother (old joke).
Joke about ‘what she said.’ (also old).
Judge people based on their clothes (As if I’m some fashionista who doesn’t look forward to going home to Chicago so I can buy sweaters at Wal-Mart).
Love tall men with beards. I know it’s that love-men-who-resemble-your-father thing and it grosses me out.
Set high standards for myself. At any given moment, I’m thinking I’m not doing enough. That helps a lot, I’m sure.
Worry about money. Also, not very helpful.
Press the snooze alarm so many times after convincing myself I only need ten minutes to get ready and then get to place of work looking like I got ready in ten minutes.
Tell myself I’ll email someone later and then have 100 emails to send and then feel overwhelmed and then whine about having too many friends and then feel like a self-absorbed bitch to have even said that I have too many friends and then email everybody with lackluster one-liners.
Want everything all at once. I want my family and career and bronze bust of myself in a city center for doing something spectacular. And I would like that all right now please. No need to wait or work for it. Not that I’m lazy. Just tired.
Fear germs. If someone goes next to my bed with street clothes on, I’ll cut a man. If he tries to wash a dish with a dirty sponge, I’ll cut a man twice.
Get haircuts on a whim. Every. Single. Time. And then I hate my hair. Every. Single. Day.
Try to take off my pants while I still have my shoes on. It’s not going to work this time. Even though I say it will.
Judge myself for doing these things. Because it’s okay. I’m weirdly normal even though I sometimes get stuck on the floor with my pants half off.
{ 27 comments }
Doesn't everyone get stuck on the floor with their pants half off?
I know I do…..and I thought it was just me.
I'm with you on the tall men thing.. except for beards. But hey, I'm single, maybe I'll give them a whirl. Also last month I bought a fleece hoodie at Walmart and I can't take it off my body.
Yay Walmarts at home! And yeah. Tall men with beards. It's weird, though: my dad wasn't so tall and didn't have a beard. Just more evidence that I've adopted your dad as my own.
hahahahaha the shoes on-pants off move! I stopped trying that so often when skinny jeans entered my wardrobe. It was irritating, but possible, with bootlegs and flared leg jeans, but with skinny jeans its just a mockery of my lack of coordination.
I do NINE of these things. Yes, I counted. Sometimes I hate myself for my catchphrases; I need to find new ones.
I wish I wouldn't get weird expressions stuck in my lingo: like "of that ilk". I throw that one around like nobody's business and it irks me every single time. You know, when I'm talking about blog-posts and things of that ilk.
Argh, shoot me now (but not until I get my pants off over my shoes).
B
The Middle Ages
Okay, that was really funny — Alexia and I were posting at the same time and she mentioned the catchphrases thing. Ha! Wished I'd used the word catchphrases…
B
The Middle Ages
I always ask people whether they would rather be tall or rich. It's one of my favorite hypotheticals. I always choose tall because tall people can become rich, but rich people can't become tall.
I cry every night.
sometimes i think we're the same. my snooze button and i… we're tight.
I love "that's what she said" more than any other saying. I still use it. Sometimes I have to hold my tongue because 3 times in one conversation might be too much.
My snooze button and I have a love/hate relationship.
Dudette thanks for sharing. I too leave myself 10 minutes to get ready for work thereby looking as much…trick is getting to bed early but its never easy…getting back on the "I am happy I'm awake" horse is tough sometimes!
My pants are usually half on…
I'm a shameless fan of the write-one-really-good-email-and-copy-and-paste-it-and-send-it-to-everyone-who-has-written-to-me-lately-that-I-failed-to-get-back-to-in-a-timely-fashion trick.
If you've never received an email from me, that's how you know you're REALLY special.
I'm likely to dress way down on Saturday. Because I can. And I want to. And now I know you will judge me for it. Great.
That's what she said.
I put on a dress on this weekend with my boots already on. I was just really excited about the boots.
Too bad we missed each other in LA last week. The shoot went well. Besides my client seeing me demonstrate to my French-speaking co-worker what camel toe meant.
Nobody needs to see that. Oopsie daisy.
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