I hated myself yesterday.
My inner feminist stabbed me in the ovaries, angry that I allowed myself to fall into the same trap I’ve fallen into ever since I switched to tampons. I let myself collapse into a dangerous abyss with every other woman in LA: I got a slutty costume for Halloween. I just wrote about how mini skirts have reached an all-time size crunch, and how disappointed I am in the vagina-baring youth of America.
And there I was deciding between a slutty maid or a promiscuous lady bug.
WHY? Why couldn’t I have just gone as a hot dog or a funny mummy? It must have been my inner hooker calling out to be noticed…my butt cheeks screaming out to be fondled by drunk men…my belly button begging to be paraded around the lonely Los Angeles bars. And I listened to them. Sadly, I did. I could not stop my hands from plucking the nose, bow tie, and bright red boy shorts from the walls of the seasonal store and into my basket, the pieces to my slutty clown costume. Yes, I managed to make a clown slutty.
At first I was sad and downright angry that I allowed myself to be ‘one of them.’ But then I thought more about why we’ve turned this already pagan holiday into a lingerie parade. Maybe we do it because we have a burning desire to be lusted after by all. Or maybe we do it because most of us are forced into suits and “proper” attire in our daily lives. Or maybe Freud was right and all everyone really lives for is sex. Either way, it means we’re oppressed, unable to be our true sexy selves in today’s society.
Now that I’ve come to such a conclusion, I say we stand against this oppression! In fact, JUST ON HALLOWEEN, I encourage everyone to be slutty. To show as much skin as possible. To give nurses cleavage and police women fishnets. To turn every single uniform into a desperate plea for sexual attention. Do it while you can, my friends. Do it while you can. REVOLT!
(Note: If you already dress like a whore, this revolution does not apply to you.)
Note #2: I wrote this 2 years ago, but updated it just for you. My thighs are smaller now. That’s right. I’m gonna say my thighs are much smaller now:
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Your thighs are beautiful!
I approve of this message. VIVA LA REVOLUCION!
Actually a hot dog would have been more promiscuous. Especially in West Hollywood.
Not that I would know that or anything.
What's that over there? Gotta go.
My inner feminist stabbed me in the ovaries, angry that I allowed myself to fall into the same trap I’ve fallen into ever since I switched to tampons.
Excellent into line. And I won't hide behind the cloak of anonymity to say you had beautiful legs in that picture… even curves at the hips!!
You are prolly a hot chick… girls with super cool names tend to be hot or at least good looking!
hey, at least you are sticking to the 'you can show boobs or legs but not both' rule…..
My husband went slutty for his costumes too:)
You go. YOU GO AND YOU WHERE THAT SLUTTY CLOWN COSTUME!
You know why? Because you can. And you look far less foolish than people in Montreal out in their slutty Halloween costumes because it's minus 8000 degrees.
Argh. Typo. That's embarrassing.
I meant *wear* obviously.
Cripes.
I hope they're not much smaller. How else would you walk?? This post made me laugh as all of yours do! And, BTW, I looooooove the line you quoted in my post: "They took my rings, they took my ROLEX…I looked at the brother and said damn, what's next??" Love it, love it, love it.
-Warren G.
"You go girl. Go ahead and be as slutty as you want for Halloween," a quote by Gandhi.
P.S. That is not a quote from Gandhi.
yeah… who's this anonymous thigh appreciator?
Excited to hear husbands are getting in on the ho-factor as well. WAy to go.
It's already cold in Montreal!? Never moving there strictly due to the inability to be slutty in winter.
Ghandi was so cool.
Sluts rule. Wait did I just say that?
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