Congratulations! Today, you are reading the blog of The Most Versatile Blogger. Yes, I am THE big winner of THE biggest prize among the blogging community! What, What? Makes a girl wanna use some exclamation points!!!!!! Some people are saying that this prestigious award is more of a chain letter because it really involves any awarded blogger to award fifteen other bloggers, creating sort of a chain, er, community. Those people are jealous rats. This award is big time, and I will wear it proudly like I wear my special occasion expensive shoes and my high school graduation ring. Just kidding. I don’t really wear that. (Sorry for begging you to buy that for me, Mom.) So what if pretty much every blogger on the internet is about to receive the same award? So what if anyone with a blog can award anyone else with a blog? This is my time, dammit. Today, I am The Most Versatile Blogger, and that’s how it goes. I win, bitches! I win. I win. I win.
My duties as winner are to:
*thank the person who gave me this award.
*share seven things about myself.
*pass the award along to 15 bloggers who I deem fantastic.
*gloat all day long
Jessica at Alone with Cats & Margaret at The Crymes Syndicate have both awarded me such prestige. Well, Margaret awarded anyone who read her blog, which means ME. If you also want this award, all you have to do is read her blog. But don’t tell me that because I might not feel so special then.
These girls are both candid and hilarious, and I encourage everyone to check them out. I have just recently come to learn about this huge world of bloggers who support each other and read each others entries. These chicks have been so welcoming and encouraging and supportive. I hope I get to meet them one day, so I don’t feel like a internet psycho for loving them through cyberspace.
Now on to the seven things about myself, as if this blog wasn’t already shrouded in self-importance.
1. I prefer bar soap to the fancy shmancy ‘body wash.’
2. I’m currently taking a stand-up comedy class. That’s right. You will all soon be obligated to come see me at an open mic, where I will be raunchy and revealing and make you squirm in your seat. Especially when you realize I’m making jokes about you.
3. My father committed suicide. I guess that’s not so funny, but it’s also not so horrible either. You know that weird feeling you got when you read that? Sort of discomfort mixed with sorrow and helplessness and a lack of words accompanied by some awkward fidgeting? That’s how most people react, but it’s my new mission to end the bad stigma. Suicide is simply another accident, like a car crash. The person committing the act would surely take it back if he could.
4. My first job was at a local video rental place, where I rented porn to old men who would return it (to me, not to the drop box) after a few hours. Gross.
5. I’m writing from Souplantation, an all-you-can-eat buffet with horrific carpeting. I can’t seem to write at home– too distracted by the food in my fridge and the surfaces that need dusting. For some reason, the array of muffins and soups helps me think.
6. I like my age now. And I can’t wait to be a really cute old lady a la Betty White. What’s in the middle scares the shit out of me.
7. People often ask me how I’m always so happy (well, after my trip they do.). I think the secret is that I love and trust everyone at first sight. Until they prove to me otherwise. None of this ‘gain my love shit.’ If I know you, I love you. For example, the couple in their fifties beside me with 3 plates each heaped in foods from the buffet. They’re both wearing sunglasses inside. And then there’s the Jewish couple passing out cookies to everyone and trying to make new friends. Love. Love. Love them.
8. If I didn’t have to pay off my student loans, I’d be in a hut in Africa, where I would be on a mission to help lots of people and educate about AIDS. I wouldn’t stop writing this here blog, though. It’s kinda my favorite thing to do. Thanks for reading it.
9. I think it would be cool to have a glass eye.
10. If I could be any age, I’d pick 3.
Aw naw. That’s 10 things. Cannot get enough of writing about myself. Me. Me. Me.
And now on to the new winners, who must claim their prize tomorrow so as not to interrupt my gloating (also, if you decide not to accept this chain letter, er, award, I won’t be offended): Rahul @ I Wear T-Shirts… Sometimes, Loralee @ Glass Half Optimistic, Rebecca @ Loving Living Small, Dewan @ Imperfect Enjoyment (buy his book too), Kelly @ IbbyDibbyDow, Rich @ Round Seventeen, Ernessa @ Fierce And Nerdy, Metalia @ Metalia, Sabrina @ Leap And the Mosquito Net Will Appear, Ann @ Dr. Strangemom, Kathy @ Mama Kat’s Losin It, and really anyone else who wants some props. I’m just getting into this whole reading-other-people’s-blogs thing. So make some suggestions as well. These are also good ones who’ve already had this illustrious honor bestowed upon them: The Pretend Writer, Best of Fates, Midwestern MamaH, Bite the Bedbugs
Uh oh. Gotta go. I see some paparazzi by the mac-n-cheese. I’m big time, y’all.
{ 17 comments }
Ah, the honor, the honor! I'm overcome.
And totally and completely jealous of your first job. My first job? Night receptionist at a Catholic church, which does also lend itself to jokes, but ones that make me feel guilty later.
Congratulations !! Eww to the pr0n returns. Hopefully the boxes weren't sticky.
I prefer bar soap too! But somehow, when presented with the big fancy FIX YOUR FACE display at Target, I'll find myself buying potion after potion, even though Ivory gets the job done and costs, like 1 cent to Clean & Clear's $5 (NOW WITH POPPING BEAD THINGS!)
Sigh.
I accept, I accept!! Is that all I have to do or do I also have to give some sort of speech/blog…cuz I'll do it…right after I take a shower with my bar soap and return my video to Ken's World of Videos…
Congrats! I see more awards in the future.
One of our family friends has a glass eye. My sister would alwys joke about it popping out. Kind of evil, but we love that family.
Souplantation is great for people watching. It's like the Walmart of restaurants.
I'm putting this award right next to my 10 year old county tennis champion trophy and the participation ribbons I got for fiction writing in 11th grade.
I lied. I would never get a writing award.
I would like to sit in the front row of your open mic gig. I'll be making faces at you. break the ice
Holly! I think sometimes the boxes were sticky! ew. But I've blocked it out of my memory. Revealing a bit of my trashy side: my mom worked there too! Ah!
Megan, I hope to soon read about this Catholic church job. I have never seen a church with a receptionist. Did you take coats? Did you drink the holy water? Did you sometimes steal at least a dollar from the collection plate to buy candy?
Margaret, those displays are the death of me. Don't let them fool you.
LL, should you accept the award, you must blog about it and follow all the rules, you versatile blogger you. And stay away from Ken's.
Jimmy! Thanks. I would totally pop out my glass eye if I could. Just to freak people out.
Rahul! Of course you would get a writing award. You just did, in fact. From me. It's a big deal.
You go ahead and make faces at my open mic night. I will in turn tell the audience that you go to the movies alone. And they will all laugh at you. All three of them.
Am I the only one laughing about sticky boxes? Yeah, just me, huh? Really? Wonder what Freud would say. (Actually, I think I know what Freud would say. Touche, Freud.)
Congrats, winner. Keep up the me-me-me-me. Which, incidentally, would make a good song.
SWEET!! I've never won anything before! This is even more exciting than today's visit to Dar Es Salam's fish market.
I am going to become a follower because you made me laugh out loud about the glass eye! Hahahahahaha!!! What I wouldn't give?? And congratulations on that award! Did you know you can get high school rings melted and re-made into "Versatile Blogger" award rings? In the middle of the ring is a glass eye, so I think it would be perfect for you! -Kelley @www.kelleysbreakroom.blogspot.com
I think you should do a stand up routine about Ken's—the guy who crapped in the XX room in protest becsue the ROOM was gross, the guys who tried to steal videos down their pants,people pleading for late fees, getting robbed and hitting the panic button and having the Addison police surround the place and STILL not catch the thief, weird coworkers–especially your mother.
I’d come to okay with you one this subject. Which is not something I typically do! I love reading a post that will make people think. Also, thanks for allowing me to comment!
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