So I’ve been thinking…

Warren Buffet is an old billionaire dude. I spent years wondering how he got so rich by simply singing about cheeseburgers in paradise and holding concerts for aging Midwesterners and their beer koozies. I probably shouldn’t admit that I just recently figured out the truth, but I did. There you have it.

Skinny Jeans on men Guys, you’re wearing spandex. Just because they have pockets and the tag calls them ‘jeans’ does not mean they’re jeans.

Thich Nhat Hanh and Oprah Remember that monk I wrote about here? He introduced me to meditation, and I spent lots of 2009 studying his teachings and visiting his Vietnamese monasteries. And now… he was just on Oprah (By the way, I’m pissed that Oprah is not coming up as misspelled in Microsoft Word. Damn that powerful woman). I know Buddhists should be all accepting, but shit. His monasteries will soon be overrun with khaki-wearing moms who want to meditate because they’re anxious about casseroles. No! Is anything safe from Oprah’s wrath?

Grody Clichés Why is it so popular to say, ‘I threw up in my mouth’ these days? Why? No you didn’t. Stop saying that. Everyone is saying it so it’s no longer a big exaggeration. Move on. Get creative. It’s time for an ‘I secreted a green globule in my underwear and it smells like cats.’

Dear friends, please stop writing emails as if they are texts. You’re making me fear the future of grammar. Are you seriously too lazy to write to? Isn’t it more of a hassle to write 2? You have to reach way out of home row. Do you even remember the word to? U r annoying me 2 much. That’s why I don’t write you back.

Oops I have just realized that I am the one in yoga class who wears the threadbare black pants with no underwear underneath. Sorry about that. They were black so I figured they were opaque. For many months my downward dog has been quite offensive.