Oh! Southeast Asia, I cannot believe it is already time for us to part! At first we didn’t get along, I admit. But that was before I knew the art of cutting in line, disregarding traffic laws, hocking loogies, and ignoring someone’s presence for bargaining purposes. It took me a week to understand you. Sorry, Vietnam, for pegging you as a heartless meanie. I had to acclimate; now I miss you dearly.
Oh, SE Asia, how can I hate your odiferous gutters, rats on sticks, wailing roosters, polluted streets, or cantankerous traffic when you give me so much? Your fruit selection itself has opened my eyes to the wonders the world can produce.
How can I be mad that your obsession with money forces you to give up your most beautiful women to the highest paying Westerner? Your devotion makes me forget those odd pairings. Your faith, when it comes in the form of incense and candles and flowers and head scarves and monks, is beautiful.
How can I hate your unpaved roads and lousy infrastructure when I instantly forget the journey as soon as I arrive? The moment I see the Christmas lights around a bar and the corner store filled with bamboo brooms, NIVEA sun creams, and toilet paper sold by the naked roll, I feel at home. And when the lady comes toward me with her larger than life calculator to show me the price, I want to buy everything just so she’ll continue our creative non-verbal communication.
You know, you really taught me a lot. And converted me too. I am in full support of the squat toilet. Squatting turns out to be much easier than hovering. And cleaner. Except you duped me that one time. Remember when I was squatting in the hotel by my suitcase and I accidentally peed on the floor? SE Asia, you got me!
You are really funny sometimes, you know. I have been brought to tears by many a menu. Do you misspell things on purpose just for our amusement? You didn’t really mean to write Booty Shop, right?
SE Asia, how will I get used to living without your curiosity? Who will ask me how much I paid for my ring? Or how much I make? I can live without the virginity question though, Malaysia. You know that I am surely a virgin so stop asking.
Oh Asia! How can I leave you? You have beaches, trekking, boating, wildlife, ruins, high rises, noodles, spices, men in sarongs, and best of all, food that constantly arrives out of nowhere. Plus, your squirrels are cooler and your abundance of baby corns is astounding
I am sad we have to part, but I am positive my love will keep me coming back. So… yeah… I guess I’ll see ya later? I’ll tell India you say hi. What’s that? You hate India? Oh, I forgot about your racism problem. We’ll have to tackle that one when I get back. Until then…. Adios! I mean… well, pretend I said something Asian.
Random animals being nasty in the street.
The Asian soda pop: sugar cane juice squeezed right on the street.
The formal bow greeting.
The hideous mannequins.
The Too Much Butts.
{ 2 comments }
just wanted to say you're hilarious
can't wait to read about India and your travels. don't forget to buy me presents when you are there. xo