beautiful vomit

Koh Phi Phi (pronounced pee pee) is another paradise in paradox. I hate the word breathtaking, but I really think this island on the Andaman coast of Thailand deserves it. If there were a beauty competition among islands, I’d say it would win every time, provided the judges had really bad sinus infections or were born with the unfortunate inability to olfactor. The island stinks. There is some sort of sewage problem, and at times it felt like someone had shoved one hundred NY sewers up each nostril. The putrid stench made cats wail and forced many a fork down at dinner.

If you get past the smell, you will have the opportunity to enjoy spotless white beaches in bays surrounded by lush green jungle.

Unfortunately, you might have to drink in these beauties to the tune of DJ Tiesto and puking partygoers. Once again, the locals have found the best way to cater to tourists is by selling them buckets of alcohol. And sometimes they give the buckets away from 11:40 – 11:50 or from 12:10 – 12:20, creating a stampede of frat bros and cheap bitches in party dresses.

Everyone is dancing on the sand. Everyone is tongue wrestling with strangers. Everyone is getting tattoos at 4am. Everyone is too inebriated to think my joke about Koh Pee Pee smelling like Poo Poo is funny.

A Phi Phi sunset. No Photoshop. Of course nobody saw it but me.

I won three buckets of moonshine by playing this game in which everyone ties a balloon to his ankle. The last one standing with a balloon wins. It came down to me and a Korean chick. She played dirty and kicked my shins. I slit her throat.

No party in sweltering weather is complete without fire.

Mental note: Butt cracks and cigarettes always get the guy.

Mexicanas en la casa, chingon.

PS The last time I found myself on a party beach was here. Since then, two people have died on that very slide! WARNING! Alcohol and ghetto slides made from kitchen tiles lead to very bad circumstances. Do not try at home. Or in Asia.