monkey see. monkey weeeeeee.

Danielle was my best friend in third grade. One of our favorite past times was dancing. Well, I would dance, mostly to ‘Cold Hearted Snake,’ and she would sit on my bed and watch. Now that I think of it, I never asked her if she wanted to watch me. I mostly made her watch me. Sorry, Danielle. Especially since now I realize that my extraordinary dancing ability was mainly in my imagination:

click for dancing prowess

Our other favorite past time was hanging out in our tree house, which was not really in a tree. It was more like a ground house made of purple plywood behind my garage. It had tires for chairs, carpet padding for floor, and a bookcase. In our private chalet, we shared secrets, hid from her overbearing parents, and felt sophisticated.

I have just lived in a tree house that makes my purple oasis drown in self-doubt.

The Gibbon Experience, on the Thai/Laos border, is a conservation effort that boasts the best tree houses in Asia or perhaps the universe. These aren’t your regular old dad-made-this-house-from-scraps-out-of-the-Menards-dumpster tree houses. In a protected jungle some 40-70 meters above the forest floor, these are the tree houses Donald Trump dreamed about. Some have penthouses three stories up! They each have bathrooms with showers that look out onto the vast crowd of trees below. They have sinks and stoves and candles for electricity. But here’s the kicker: the only way into these 8-person havens is by zip line.

That’s right. Not only have the creators of this project fulfilled every child’s dream with a tricked-out tree house, they also distribute a select few zip line belts, recreating that exclusive clique from school and, for two nights and 160 Euros, you’re in!

This group happened to include four Danish teenagers, a self-proclaimed alcoholic from Ireland with an Arsenal tattoo covering his forearm, a Finnish opium smoker with a braided beard, and a self-deprecating American girl with brittle hair (that’s me!).

During the day, we hiked through the jungle in search of animals. The group was quite loud, so the only real animals we found were leeches. They were easily spotted in our socks.

But the flora was lush, and just when we were ready to faint from a big uphill effort, we would arrive at a zip line or a waterfall.

The zips were simple cables tied around one tree on one side of the canyon and another tree on the other, secured with bolts. That’s it. I feared for my life each time my diaper-like harness and its simple knot and carabiner soared me over the entire forest canopy. Most of the time, we were at least 100 meters above ground, gliding at rapid speeds for 400 meters.

I can only describe it as exhilarating. And scary. And really really fun. I was the only one who could not squelch the urge to yell, “Weeeeeeeeeee!” the entire way. Uh… I might have thrown in a few “fuuuuuck”s as well.

We’d arrive at a posh tree house after a hard day of zipping and wait for our dinner to be whisked in by a miniature Laos man on zip line. It couldn‘t have made us feel more cool. In fact, I felt so cool that I now feel arrogant talking about it.

The only down point was the rats. Though we nestled ourselves into opaque mosquito nets for our slumber, we could hear them everywhere. It sounded like millions, searching for food in OUR tree house a mere millimeter away from our heads, barred from eating our brains by only a thin sheet. They only stayed for an hour or so, snacked on our waste, and headed on back down the 70-meter tree.

The point of the Gibbon Experience is to see wild gibbons and their relatives. Instead, we WERE the gibbons, swinging from tree to tree and sleeping among the rats. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

No actual door but you can’t come in.

Weeeeeeeeeeeee!

I had to wear my magic socks. They make me brave. And scare away leeches. (‘Hey guys let’s move on. There is a scary chicken on these socks. Ay ay ay!’)

My new Finnish friend. Who has Finnish friends? So cool.

Penthouse bed. Oooh yeah.

Waking up to leaves.

Breakfast at 70 meters.