Are markets jealous of supermarkets?
Why does forehead size vary so much?
Why do some places think I need a lady in the bathroom to hand me a towel? I’ve managed to get my own towels for years.
When do ‘grown ups’ become ‘adults’?
Remember virginity?
How many times have I digested a waiter’s spit?
Do we really eat ten spiders a year? I don’t believe it anymore. Wouldn’t we at least wake up with a leg or something in our mouths sometimes?
Why do people think it’s cute to put their kids on the phone? It’s a tad awkward. Me and your kids don’t have much in common.
Why does everyone praise Mother Theresa? It’s not like it’s HARD to help someone who is really poor and hungry.
What is it about that one shirt that makes my boobs look big?
Why do they continue to make porn with plots?
Why do they still sell newspapers in that little box vending machine thing? Who carries around six quarters for the occasional paper?
Why didn’t I get born as Natalie Portman?
What is cottage cheese and why does it look like a popcorn ceiling?
Do women who shave off their eyebrows and pencil them in again think they’re fooling anyone?
Does my breath smell like cat food? Does it? Does it? You’d tell me, right?
Why do they even make pans that are not non-stick?
Qaddafi, Kaddafi? Gaddafi? Come on! Which is it? How does HE spell it? Why hasn’t anyone asked HIM? What does his Facebook say? How can we bomb someone who is not even our Facebook friend?
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Why do you complain that you can’t keep up with me in terms of blog entries and then shoot your wad like this all at once? I could spew 400-500 words on any of these topics. For instance, why does this shirt make my boobs look big? Which of course is entirely different for a man. Why do you make life difficult for yourself? Why?
I can’t believe I blew my wad and I didn’t even notice.
I’m pretty sure we need to be best friends. Or I could be your adopted little sister or something… Let me know. I’ve got a space on my Facebook family tree waiting for you. :)
♥
I would love an adopted sister. I’ll talk to my mom about it. Do you come with anything? A dowry of some sort?
Where’s my comment? I could have swore I left one. It was about how I like the plots in pornos. Mainly because it keeps up the hope that I could have sex anywhere. Supermarket, in the classroom, in the setting of an 80s tv show. Anything is possible.
Also, I dated someone that penciled in her eyebrows. I never could tell her how bad it was. So I ran.
If you loved her, you would have told her. Obviously, you didn’t love her because who could love a woman with bad eyebrows?
much like the hellmans vs miracle whip and breyers vs dreyers debate, east coasters – like me – still call them grocery stores. 16 years later I still don’t know what the hell a super market is?
True that. I’m all about grocery stores and gym shoes. BUT… I sure did love Supermarket Sweep when I was 10. GO FOR THE BIG HAM!!!!
I dunno.
But I’m doing the robot dance along with your robot cartoon.
Solid Gold!
Why is there furniture, plants and shit in the womens restroom?
If I’m gonna be sitting in the restroom it’s gonna be on the pot.
Why did I have to walk into what seemed like the only mens restroom in the world with a couch?
Why did I touch my penis in a stall after a search for the urinals was fruitless?
And WHY does no one have urinals in their home? (Especially with the little mats that are targets. The ones where the warmth of your pee changes the color of the mat, recording your accuracy.)
Why do family tourist spots sell shot glasses as a souvenir? I noticed this when my 6 year old nephew visited over the weekend… La Brea Tar Pits, Long Beach Aquarium, LA Zoo, Legoland… All of them had shot glasses sold in their gift shops. I understand for vegas casinos/hotels – but really, are you going to buy a legoland shot glass? Weird…
So many questions and so little time. I am sure you will have many more to follow and no you didn’t shoot your wad. I want to know who the big foreheaded guy is? I go to the market. I stand “in” line and not “on” line (like east coasters) I wear thongs on my feet not flip flops. I am old. :)
Back in the day when pencil-drawn eyebrows were the thing, my aunt shaved hers off so she would be trendy and fabulous. However, there was a little problem. Her eyebrows never grew back!! Now that she is in her late 70s, she occasionally forgets a brow. It’s pretty funny. We usually tell her before she goes anywhere ;)
And seriously, why does my father make me talk to my step-mother when I call? I do not like her. Not one little bit.
It’s not a supermarket OR a grocery in Chicago. We just wait IN line at the Jewel.
RE: foreheads
Your first joke was “Mommy, if I have a forehead, where is my five head?”
PS you have time for a blog entry, but haven’t yet answered your mom’s email?? :)
Why are my eyebrows that I don’t shave off a different color than my hair? WHY?!?
@mambert Love your daughter!
You’re concerned about the varying sizes of FOREHEADS? Umm… there are more pressing questions. Like why are some penii so damn small? Just sayin.
That guy doesn’t have a forehead, he has a five head!
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Four things a woman should know: How to look like a girl, how to act like a lady, how to think like a man, and how to work like a dog.
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